Elders and Eldership

Being an elder means being an inspiration for others and being willing to use our wisdom to help people make better life choices and find their own understanding. We do this without recognised status or personal gain.

Elders are unique people who live out their own truths. Eldership requires us to have an understanding of the mystery of being alive and of how life works. This can only be gained through life experience and reflection and it can be enriched through listening to wisdom teachers.

We who are in our sixties are the next generation of elders. We are entering an important stage of life and taking on a new role in our society. How are we going to do this? We must learn what eldership means and begin to take on the role now so that we do not fail those who may need us in the future.

In the past old people have often been overlooked, ignored and pitied as being useless old folk. In future they will need to find a clear and distinctive voice in the world and new ways to make sure that people listen to them.

Who can be an Elder?

Everyone has the potential to be an elder, but not everyone becomes one. There are no obvious rules to how it happens, but it appears to emerge as an outcome of the way you have lived your life.

The “ingredients” for the making of an elder include the following, but not necessarily all of them for every person:

• To have had deep and wide experience of life
• Having experienced success, failure and being fairly average
• Having been healthy and fit, having been weak and ill
• Having had good and bad fortune and having survived accidents
• Having brought up children
• Not having had children and knowing the finality of that
• Having seen sickness, dying and death.
• Having had both good and difficult relationships with others
• Having had long term and short term relationships
• Having lived alone for a long time
• Having experienced joy, anger and grief
• Having known love, rage, hope and despair
• Having had experience of other cultures
• Having left behind ambition, ego and the desire for power and status.
• Having learnt to express feelings appropriately.
• Having reflected on how your life has happened
• Having had experiences that cannot be rationally explained

What else is needed?

• Being open to learning and growth
• Coming to terms with your own mortality
• Resolving the difficult experiences of your past
• Healing your relationships
• Having a deeper spiritual life
• Developing consciousness and presence
• Concern for humanity and the world
• Understanding the role of the elder
• Learning to facilitate personal and group processes
• Making the transition into being an elder

...and probably many other abilities and qualities.

You cannot claim to be an elder just because you are old. There are definite qualities needed for eldership that people can recognise, and they will only give their respect if they see you are worthy of it.

In fact it is not up to you to claim to be an elder at all. You will only know you are there when someone else recognises you as such and tells you.

What elders do

There is no right way to be an elder; there is just your way and my way. As we go on we may find ways we feel are better. We can be elders for individuals, for groups, for communities and for society.

We can only offer what we ourselves have learned, received and integrated into our lives. However our eldership gets expressed, the following are some of the things that other people look for and value in elders:

• Listening and encouragement
• Speaking their truth
• Wisdom and understanding
• Being an inspiration for a meaningful life
• Mentoring for younger generations
• Offering wise guidance for leaders
• Peace making and conflict resolution
• Giving a voice to the voiceless
• Advocates for future generations
• Concern for the higher values of our society
• Providing access to paths to inner worlds
• Stewardship of what is enduring and eternal